Monday, November 1, 2010

Feeling Tired and Inadequate

I LOVE being a mom. I've wanted to be a mom ever since I was really little. I distinctly remember telling my family that I wanted to have twelve kids. At the same time, my sister and my best friend were scheming about how they were going to become multi-billionaires. I happily took their joshing about how I was going to live next door in a "little white house with a white picket fence." That's really all I wanted.

Still is.

But life gets so BUSY. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing a very good job. Cause there are too many JOBS!

I go from play practice. To soccer. To church. To preschool. To basketball. Somewhere in there I homeschool. Teach kids' classes. Teach continuing ed for teachers.

And all my littlest boy really wants to do is to sit on the couch and read a book with me. Or two. Or five. Or twenty.

You'll laugh when you hear about where the most effective homeschooling is going on for my 8yo right now. In a parking lot. At preschool. Two mornings a week, we are both captured in the minivan for 2.5 hours while the little guy is at preschool. So we intensely do schoolwork. No computers. No cell phones. No interruptions except for a 10 minute recess break with the preschoolers when it's not otherwise raining.

I'm doing what I always wanted to do.

Serious. So serious.

But I feel tired and inadequate.

Anyone else?

This job ain't for sissies.

P.S. I'm reading Katie Funk Wiebe's book, You Never Game Me a Name: One Mennonite Woman's Story. In it, she talks about the struggle between traditional woman's work and work outside the home. Just after I finished writing this blog entry, I read "In the decades after World War II, stay-at-home moms (and there weren't many of the other kind) were encouraged to clean, polish, and launder with a different product for each task. I had extra time after I finished my housecleaning duties, but that extra time, according to popular thinking, should be used in the home in some way, cleaning and re-cleaning and re-laundering something even if it wasn't dirty."

Just want to say... lately I don't have time to clean something once, let alone twice. And I'm very happy that I DO have the option to do all these varied tasks. Nothing like a little reminder about how few choices there once were to remind me how grateful I am to be busy. If tired. And inadequate. ;)


  1. You aren't alone! I have those days too but lately I actually feel like I have too much time on my hands. I know, probably no sympathy! I learned a year ago that I can only take on so much otherwise life just gets to crazy, I ended up simplifying life by cutting out some things. We became debt free, I quit working my one day a week for my families business and I decided not to be involved in so many activities. Things sure calmed down around here and I have happier boys for it!

    Perhaps you just need a few simplifications :) It sounds like your family does a lot of sports and maybe you could teach pre-school at home while you homeschool?

  2. :) Thanks, CeAnne! Yes, a lot of sports, but actually it's really only one/child. Really only one activity/child. It's just that there are a lot of children! :) I know this sounds weird, but the preschool part has been wonderful. My little guy desperately wanted MORE. More social interaction. More "school." More going somewhere. I think his family in China primed him to expect school; he's been asking for it since about the day he came home. So it's been perfect for him. And perfect that I can spend that solid 5 hours a week with 1-on-1 time with my 8yo. But it IS running 2 mornings a week. It is what it is.

    I do think I need some simplifications. Just not sure what.

    I keep thinking "after __________ life will slow down." Then ________ comes and it's still going as fast as ever.


    Thanks for listening!!!!

  3. I think mothering is the hardest work there is, and so isolated in our culture! I'm a single mom, working full-time (and putting together a book), and I think your days are probably harder than mine. (My son goes to a marvelous mini-school in a friend's home; the closest to homeschooling I can get.)

  4. I feel your angst also. I too have worked hard (and in some ways been forced with a little one) to cut back on outside distractions. Where posibble we combine the kids activities. It is very difficult to balance it all isn't!

  5. Of course we all always feel like we are not doing a good enough job. I find the less I do outside of the house, the better. Sure, they like outside activities, but I have found them to be more draining than they are worth in the end. I limit mine to one outside activity for each child per week and we have all had more time and more peace. Other than that, all we can do is comfort ourselves by saying that we are doing the best we can. I believe our kids can tell that.

  6. I could have written this post (but didn't know how to put it so nicely as you) about feeling overwhelmed and yet feeling like I'm still not doing enough. JC wants more and more time with friends and I want more and more time to just get things done around the house! We're both trying to work out a balance. We were suppose to go to a museum for a special exhibit and decided to just skip it. Our best days are when we play hooky and homeschool at home. Hopefully, this after school job will work out in terms of socializing JC. I just want to say that I know how you feel. And you're right, motherhood is the hardest job but also rewarding beyond measure. If you need to, take a break and just go have fun with the kids. I think the kids will be fine no matter what. You're doing a fabulous job as is! I think we just need to hear it once in awhile.

  7. "feeling overwhelmed and yet feeling like I'm still not doing enough"

    That's my entire post in a nutshell! Thank you, all, for feeling my angst. Makes me feel more human and less inadequate! ;0


Thank you for leaving me a message. I love comments almost as much as I love chocolate! And I do LOVE chocolate. :)

Related Posts with Thumbnails
Blogging tips